Thursday, September 29, 2011

Sitting here thinking....

I applied for a job a month ago and this morning i found out they are still interviewing!
1)I know higher edu. takes it's sweet time getting through the hireing this should not suprise me.
2)dang how quickly a month goes when your standing on this side of it!
3)If I had started and stuck to a diet and exercise plan a month ago by now it would be a habit and lifestyle change!

Can you feel the deepness?

Oh I have another interview today for a different company. Saturday will be 21 days until I turn 37. When I googled "how long it takes to form a habit"
a common answer was 21 days...........

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Talking my head off Thursday.

Well I have mulled this over since Tuesday.
I let myself get my feeling hurts and cry over what a 14 year old said to me.

Let me try to give you some perspective to what was said.....

The scene: It was 80 days at the boy's highschool in prep for a big football game Friday night. The 14 year old girl had been wearing a leotard that if she removed her jacket would shor her bra straps and she would get a referral. This also ties into about two weeks ago I had seen this girl also 14 wearing a skirt that barely covered what mad her a her and stockings and garters there for God and everyone to see thanks to extremely short skirt. I was talking to 14 year olds mom and aunt and this girl came up in our "shock at other students" rammbeling and that for this other girl this outfit was very covered up. I mentioned I didn't want nathan around this girl when 14 year old laugh saying the too shirt skirt girl is one of her friends and "oh...guess who just texted me". All three adults conferred that too shirt skirt could use some more guidance and that how odd it was she just texted .....anyhoo

14yr: I am so ready to take off this jacket.....she explains why as i said above.
me: wait why would you get a referral?
14yr: explains bra straps showing are a dress code violation.
me:(like an idoit trying to refer to a mutual experience) said you would get a referral for a bra strap but the girl who had her garters showing is ok? i am not sure i get that.
14yr: (puffing up and raising her voice) her name is ------. and just because she dresses the way she wants doesn't mean anything. at this point some other comments on how she is said girls friend and how she will defend her were made.
me:(trying to hold back) First of all I didn't know her name, i don't go to school with her and have only heard it make that twice since you just said it again. 2) i know how the outside doesn't always match the inside. I am not commenting on that. I am just asking why if person 1 and person 2 both show underwear why person 1 just goes on her merry way while person 2 would get a referral. Not caring what either are on the inside.....just trying to understand.
and then i started crying.....i freaking hate confrontation.
14yr: well sorry b ut she is my friend and i don't like people talking about her.
me: wasn't about her. it is about how you two can both show underwear and she was ok and you would get a referral.
14yr:well she has long legs...(i guess this was in defense of the too short skirt).
me: (just sat there trying hard not to cry even harder or give her my mom look which i hear is pretty stern) like i said i was just tryoing to understand something i wasn't understanding.
14yr: ok bye see you guys later (slams car door and leaves)

me drives off trying not to get snot and tears all over the place as the boy watches.

I am pathetic. And while I do think outside doesn't reflect inside this too short skirt girl is dressing in a unacceptable fashion. I would be very waryu of my son wanting to hang out with her until i knew her better. I don't think her showing her lacies makes her a 'ho but it also doesn't work in her favor on several levels.

And yes after I went home the eating went all down hill, and yesterday it wallowed in down hill between the feeling sorry for myself and the crap and craving in mys system.

The boy has been having bad headaches/migraines and he goes for an MRI this afternoon. After mom's stroke/anurisms I am panicing something is going to show up and who knows what!

More later....if i make it through the day and finnish in a upright position.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Totally flopped it yesterday.

I ate good until a kid made me cry yesterday. Then I wallowed in it big time and ate like a lion at dinner time on the serengeti.......well if the lion could call out for pizza and had popcorn balls. And chocolate and damn it i just remembered i didn't track the soda i guzzeled down.

Yeah so anyway....



Monday, August 29, 2011

well ain't that ffunny....

I tracked all day....I have 11 point plus left over and I have had dinner and all. Sounds like a popcorn night to me.

Yeah you read that right...I tracked all day. Religously. I don't know why I did since I was pretty sure I had given up the WWs way.

I still don't like me very much, I like that I did loose some weight, 4.6 lbs, but i think since tom has come and gone that is why.

And I managed to give the cat his antbiotic pill one hand first try today! How did he reward me? While gone to WWs he puked all over the freaking couch!

Ain't that funny? ;P

Friday, August 26, 2011

I don't like me.

And I think this is a huge wall in the way of my getting healthy and losing weight(among other things).

I read all over God's creation how we have to like love our selves in order to break free and loose and get healthy. But i don't like me so where does that leave me? And what about others like me?

I know I have good intentions but then again.....isn't the road to hell paved with them? And ironically, as Dante says "we carry our hell within ourselves" (not sure about the exactness of the quote) which I totally agree with.

So If I am making my way to my inner hell with my own intentions how messed up does that make me? Or my effort to loose this weight.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Bless my heart.

Cause I am losing my mind today.
Unbelieveable ill at everything. Fussed with the boy tried to make up and was told "diasable my phone is stupid and I don't want it anymore. I am tired of messing with it." the fussing had nothing to do with his phone ssooooo wth?

I feel like no one is here for me but I have to be one and here and bubbly for everyone else.

I got my hair done monday. It took three hours and it is fairly nice but I think why I am so happy with it is I talked to another adult and laughed and cut up for three hours....not because I am so happy about the hair. How pathetic is that?

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

T is usually for Tuesday.....

....but today is it is for Totally Pissed Off.

gained 15 pounds in one damn egg sucking butt sniffing week.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Monday fiddle fartin' around.

Dropped the boy at school. Dropped of my dress shirt at the cleaners....maybe haveing it pressed will schnazzy it up some. Hit up thr grocery store and had the idea of doing a eat in challange of myself. Nevermind i had just rolled through micky d's and gotten a number 11 with a unsweet two splenda tea:)

So this idea is to see how much eating in my son and i can do. I will permit one eat out night because we take momma out once a week at least.....maybe two nights. But also when we do go out for that meal it must be as healthy as i can do it.

I am also going to add a side of eating mostly from what is in the freezer and not "eating out at home" by going to store on a whim for any new recipies i just found tht look yummy. And a side of soda free.....i miss you already sierra mist as well as healthy carbing it. "The whitter the meal the sooner you'll keel.....over that is!" ;p

I am tracking a la wieghtwatchers today. I plan on going to the meeting. I also have to get this head of hair cut and colored along with a dozen other what ever comes out in the wash is what gets done and what doesn't well....doesn't.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

No good, rotten, very bad weekend......

I went clothes shopping this weekend. I am effing miserable.






This is normally what makes a woman have her "aha" moment. And Gawd knwos i have had my fair share of them. Hell earlier last week (Monday after weightwatchers) some unknown dud walked up to me at the park's tennis courts and hands me a card saying "when weight watchers doesn't work call me i can make you loose the weight" ok thanks. He handed me a card for some fruit and veggie drink supplement (which might i add he couldn't even tell me what was in it except for "good stuff" which butt head is not true in my case. Your product has shellfish in it....of which I am allergic!

But any way I was astounded he just came up to me like that. And then i prayed he just didn't think I was so horrendously fat he had a "right or duty" to help me and jumped up to look in my vehicle to see if my weight watchers stuff was out where he could have seen it wasn't. I am just that fat that now strangers feel they must come to my aid.

So yeah back to the clothes nightmare.....nothing at lane bryant fit unless i like tight and sleeveless. Avenue and Fashion bug, both usually somewhat of a fall damn luck. Catherines had something....but nothing i could afford or deal with. And when the heck do clothing makers decide they will just attach a necklace to the shirt and save me the troubkle of picking my own? Especially as i hate necklaces!

So now i will be wearing some slightly tight pants, a black cami and a shirt i can not button over my stomach to a job interview. I have a pic of it on my facebook if anyone still reading wants to check it out. I can't figure out how to get it posted here though. if you wanna see here is a link!/profile.php?id=51801593

But the bigger problem is this should be a wake up, aha moment, hello??? call or something and i just don't care. I am dissapointed and upset and hurting but yeah.....woohoo friggin hoo. And the shat of it? If i get the job where the he// am i gonna find clothes to where?

Another note.....a "high" point if you will.....(i am choking on the sarcasm) I am pretty much gonna quiit weightwatchers. I just pay to go. I don't follow it and haven't been. The more I focus on food and counting of things the more i want.

I have found two other i meh.
here is the one I like.

It is a 13 week class offered here in town and I like what the guy is saying. I mean do i treat myself better if I don't even like myself?

the one i am mehing is

a girl i know first hand has tried it and is at 41 pounds lost and has energy and appetite control. both i could use.

I dunno folks. Someone do me a solid and sort me out ok? I at least hide the oreos.

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Just a couple thoughts.....

Pretty worn out. The heat is killing my chunky butt!

Not been following wieght watchers like i all.

Debating getting a smart phone so i can be even more submerged in weight least my brain is trying to tell me a smart phone will make it easier to do.
Just doing it and sucking it up would make it easier to do as well.

Going to the movies tonight. Cowboys and Aliens I believe will be the movie of choice.

HUGs all! hope your day is good!:)

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Long day, stupid people are now going to cost me 4.99 a month and I think they sprinkle crack on these bunny crackers.

Well I tracked all my food so far today...well all but the two slices of bacon pizza, bunny crackers and siera mist I am presently drinking.

Yeah and before this "dinner" commenced I was 3 pp into my weeklies.....damn it.

I went to the farmer's market today and like Saturday it was all good in the hood and then went to poop. More on that in a minute. I also went to look at puppies. They were supposed to be chocolate labs. If they were labs I am the Easter Bunny. After that I ran and picked up items mom requested and took them to her. She was in a "fine" mood. Not sure what has had her twisted up the past few days but I hope it is just a phase. Then I went to grocery store and then home thinking "ah my day can be short one today and i can get home and do some job hunting and house work." such luck....

The dynamic duo from Saturday started in again today so I went to At&t to have them blocked. Oh they are blocked is every other dang person from calling in or me from calling out!!!! What the heehaw At&t???? Going back tomorrow and try to get it fixed.

I have found a new totally yummy snack...Annie's bunny snack mix. They are these cheese, buttery and pretzel snack cracker mix that are AMAZING! I am pretty sure they must be baking something extra in them as I am not usually this nutso over cheese crackers or pretzels.

Question for anyone still reading here....when you have stayed in your points, calories, carbs or whatever number range you follow to loose weight do you ever find your self screwing it up? Like today I had only gone 3 pp over until 45 minutes ago and I didn't think I just ate. I am thinking I was still somewhat hungry but not two pieces of pizza and bunny mix hungry. i would say I have now gone 30 + pp over for the day...ain't that some crap?

Why do I willingly sabotage myself like this?

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Sunday Goings Ons.

Well I thought by now I would feel better about yesterday but I don't
Well maybe it isn't just yesterday bothering me.
I feel upset still over the mess with the friend and his wife. I am ashamed of how I acted. That is not the person I want to be or become again. I am upset over how she thinks of me. That is not who I am and I have never nor will I ever think to try to take another woman's significant other.
I am still trying to figure out how a call to borrow a weed eater spiraled so screwedly out of the atmosphere like that did. There is something missing to this whole story and I hate that. I would rather know specifically what I did so I can not do it again or correct it.

My head and stomach have been torn up all night. Over yesterday, stress in general, and I guess just because they can. I have drank pepto like it is water and inhaled water like it is air trying to get things calmed and soothed. At least the excederine lessened the headache to a dull roar.

Today the boy and I are going to get the momma for dinner later. In between now and then I am going to hit up the grocery store and pull out my weight watchers material and reread it. I need to refocus and get this weight going...going...gone already! Or at least going...I have too much to get rid of for "gone" to be used yet;p

I am also planning for a bike ride after the sun is down and it hopefully cools off some tonight. Cross your fingers for me.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Insert Catchy Title Here.....

What a day!
It all started so ideally. I got up and got ready and went to the farmers market and bought some fabulous local prodouce. Then I went to a bakery a few streets over and bought some wonderful farm house wheat bread (just a teeny tiny round of it...couple pieces of toast here and there, maybe a sandwich)and a potatoe and bacon quiche. And four iced sugar cookies for my mom (who is still in rehab).

I then came home and started some laundry a pretended to do house work. Well about 10:30 am I got a call from a odd number. It hung up before I could answer and the voice mail was from a friend. I called back and said friend is wanting to borrow a weed eater from me because "he threw his cell phone out the door last night and has spent two hours looking for it in the weeds and can't find it" people know to hang up at this point. I am not smart apparently. Well some one starts screaming in the background and the phone goes dead. Again smart people (one of which I am not) just go on and don't call back. I called back and proceed to get cussed and blessed out by his wife. I made a very rude comment and hung up.

I have been called everything but white by this woman today. She says that since I am talking to another woman's husband I am trash and messing with him. Never mind he and I have known each other since I was a sophmore in high school and that is as far as anything we will or would ever be will be.
She proceeds to make more ugly comments and of course I, again a smart person wouldn't but I did, returned them in kind.
I am beyond ashamed.
She keeps texting me after I told her that if they are going to act like this I want nothing to do with either of them thank you very much.
And then it gets even more fun....She decided to start making phyiscal threats towards me.

Well with out sharing too much of what isn't mine to share this woman is not someone I would call "well balanced". So since she knows where I live and after some of the threats that were made were made I called the local police dept to check on what can be done.

Did you know in Ky if the party is in another county you might as well just go ahead and call the state police..... neither county has jurisdiction in the other. She is in another county from mine. We could live next door and if said line goes between the house it is state police business.

But I digress. I talked to an officer four hours later. He is going to call and smooth it over. He has called her and called me back and she states I stalk them and have been trying to break them up. The officer stated he told her not to be a child....I assume becuase 1) I have no clue where they live or a desire to find out and 2)I have been married with my husband for almost 12 years and as he knows us he finds it highly unlikely that I am the type of person she swears I am.
Unofficialy I happend to get a officer that is a long time friend. Honestly unplanned I just called and asked for assitance.
But he explained she has no need to contact me or come around me. End of subject.

I would like to say I feel better.... but I don't.
I would like to say my happy day that is now poopy could be happy again if I took a nap or feed some won't
Part of me owes her an apology for being a jerk to her. Well let's be honest a bitch is really whoo is was to her.
I wish I felt worse about this friendship that has abruptly ended....I am more upset about my ruined good day.
I feel bad about it...being upset more over the ruined good day and not the friendship.

On other topics .....
I think I am trying to start a kidnery infection. You know that twitch you get on the left or right side of your back that twinges like a shock and hurts with out warning...yeah it is here every few minutes. Great since I have no insurance and therefore no affordable dr.

I gained almost 5 pounds this last weigh in. I feel like dang it just typing that. So my 19 bumps back to 14ish lbs of a loss.

It has been six plus weeks since I have seen the hubs. I moved to moms to take care of the home she owns and her. It was too much driving two hours round trip just about every day (sometimes twice a day) to handle everything. The hubs rented an apartment and stayed behind because I refuse for him to quit his job and be jobless here. It is bad enough one of us is unemployeed. This really sucks and I am really missing him.

Oh and I ate the sugar cookies I bought for mom. I was stressed and yeah....they didn't stand a chance.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Making my way back to "normal".

Well week two or is it three back in my home town and in my momma's house is begining/begun. It is so strange having my son in my old room andmy self in another bed room and just being here in general.
I was sitting on the couch last night and realized how much i missed the "old comofortable pair of shoes" my momma's home is to me.

In other news I rejoined weight watchers and last week ate like normal 95% of the time to just see how bad i really do. Yeah i suck.....but it is ok. Weighed in yesterday and still manage to loose 7.8lbs. I hit 5% as well yeserday from my starting point and have manage to loose 19.8 pounds in all. Can I get DAMN GIRL! in here? lol
This week I am watching what i eat and choosing wisely while still tracking it all as i go. i want to see how uch better i can do and what doing better can do for me.

Not much else. Hope everyone's fourth was good. Mine was...well if you don't coun't getting hit in the head TWICE by bottle rockets! And I ws theonly one to get whacked with em! Even then it was still kind of funny...ofh and my son managed to land one of those rocket space ship fire works type deals on the neighbor's mercedees. Yeah a benz and my kid whacked it with a should have seen my face! No damage thank you God!

Monday, June 27, 2011

Still alive.

We have pretty much completed the move. Can't find anything to save my life, cooking is a night mare and some how i have lost all my socks.
No wallet in sight yet....please God let it show up.
The boy and I are good. The momma is concerning me though. She went fromt he sunroom at rehab to her oom yesterday while visiting and when she didn't return in 15 minutes i went to find her and she had no clue i was there and that we had been visiting.....very, very, very concerning.
Thank you for the good thoughts and prayers. Lord know i appreciate them. Will be back more regularly when we have internet set up at home.
Hope everyone else is doing good:)

Thursday, June 23, 2011

I need some prayers

we are moving. long story otherwise....
i have lost my wallet with way too much money to be losing in it. please pray someone returns it.
i really need for things to get turned around. i am trying to be positive but it just keeps getting worse.
mom is fine.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Hanging on my by finger tips because I lost my rope days ago.

Well still here. Still crying. Still not sleeping.
Movng into mom's house. Easiest reasons being because home owner's will not keep her coverage with no one in it and it need to be cared for. We rent Her home is paid for. I have to take care of the more solid of the two.

Not doing good eating, or trying to loose weight. I seem to attract the bad times the harder/more determind I am to loose weight.

Have to get back to the boxes. Hope everyone is doing better than things are here:)

Friday, June 10, 2011

Finding my "Aha?"

I have told you about my momma's strokes that she had this year and how things have been going with all that it entails. I have told you I am also a only child but have I told you my mom has s brother?
Well she does, he is a couple years older and the type of guy who went to theological school but then hoarded enough food, hygiene supplies, ammo/fire arms and the such to support a walmart super center for like 5 years when 2000 was coming down upon us. I am the type of person though who sat at his dinner table and questioned him over it. He told me that when the millenium hit all those who were baptized would have no worries but that for the unsaved, pardon the pun, it would be hell on earth. He was stockpiling for himself, his wife and there kids, the kids spouses and children for like the next 20 years. And he was telling me the folly of my lack of prepairedness when I asked " if you accept god as your savior and are baptized your saved right?" "well yes." he told me. "and if your under the age of knowledge and innocent your also considered as atype of saved as well right?" he replied "yes". I need to add in here for description purposes that this point he has a gleam in his eye that just screams he knows he has me in his salvation spreading hands, even though I was already baptized baptist at this point i guess hedidn't perceive it as truly being asked and given in and to me. But I am getting off track.....sorry. Anyway I then say to him "ok, well if you and your wife and kids are saved and the gradkids are all well below the age of knowledge and by witch considered innocent and of equal standing with the saved what are you worried about when 2000 hits?" He shot my aunt this big grin and leaned back saying "nothing we are children of God and have nothing to fear of the millinium". I just nodded my head agreeing with him and then said " well then I don't get why your building up your supplies for if your not going to need them cause isn't that like telling God yeah " I believe in you but I still want proof you are there and have my back".
He also enjoys teaching people how to make their employer pay them 25-50% more than they make now withought even realizing they(the employeer) is doing it. Why does this sound like embezzling? Anyhoo these are just a couple of the things this guy does. Oh and the make your employer pay you more thing....he was hawking that one at my grandfather's funeral visitation. Fool even went to our attorney handeling the estate and persisted he could help the guy get more money until he told my uncle "i have my own firm and I pay myself.....btw I am the estate lawyer and we need to discuss the will since your so big in to handeling business at this moment." Needless to say my uncle never went around this man again. Well that is to say until he went to the bank two weeks after my grandaddy died trying to get into granddady's and mom's joint checking account. The same one he was asked to sign on to months earlier but refused because he didn't want to be responsible. The lady he spoke to at at the bank instead of denying him access went and as she couldn't reach my mom they had my number so she called me to say Mr. blah blah blah is here and he is needing money out of the acount. She was trying to figure out why Mr smith couldn't get his own money out and needed help to figure it out. I was stunned at first and said "well ....not to sound rude and such but how does he look for being dead for two plus weeks?" she didn't say anything. I then asked if the person she had in there saying it was his acount looked like ...and gave a description of my uncle. She said "yes that is who it is." I told her yes he is bob john smith (tried to come up with a good fake name...sorry) but he is JUNIOR. The man who was on the acount was SENIOR. She apologized for calling and i told her not to, i was glad she had called. She then said the branch managaer would explain things to him and "take care of that."
My uncle to busy trying to hang on with both hands while trying to grab at the same time with both hands then proceeded to threathen my mom for the money in the acount. She made him the offer (because legally he couldn't touch the acount as it was in hers and grandaddy's name) that if he wanted to share the cd he had in his and grandaddy's name she would share the acount 50/50. He, in his irrateness, screamed no at her. Dear Uncle if you ever read screwed up buddy. Your cd with 4 digits before the decimal point couldn't hold a candel to her acount with 6 plus digits befor the decimal point. And yes, had he said he would share she would have done so...never mind the bad blood between them. And even if only because my grandaddy said share and share alike 50/50 in the will. My uncle...well you can tell he most likely wouldn't have shared anything but his troubles and woes.

Ok so I can go on and on one tales from the nightmare of estate business with him. But let's see if I can circle myself around back to where I was going.....

The "Aha". Two siblings a couple years apart in age both have stroke just a month or so apart. Wth? His I can see happening. He was huge (i can take the liberty of saying that because i am huge and therefore a card carrying member of the club) and had some pretty big health issues aside from his weight. The man didn't care about food choices and dang if he didn't make them as appealing as he could for himself.
My mom...healthy. Walked sevral miles a day and ate smartly. Was maybe on a bad, bloated day a size 2. M-A-Y-B-E.

Wait...crap...i went the other way with this...doing a "uey".

My point is I feel genetics breathing down the back of my neck. I am scared. How long until DNA comes for me? And how bad will it be when it does find me? How badly will my mind turn on me or my left side fail me? Will I live a full and busy life like my mom? Going places with my dead grandparents (her parents) like she tells me she does? What about my son when I can't look him in the face and know he is mine. The only child I have. The one I saw emerge from my body to be a walking breathing piece of my heart. When I ask him to go get himself for me because he has something I bad will it truely be.

I am scared and for some reason my mind is telling me "this is your Aha!" but then in the same moment it also whispers "see there is nothing you can do to help yourself. It will happen and you, you I will hit harder and leave for worse than them."

How do I get myself to the "Aha" more and not the "sacred into stupid stillness" afariad to do anything except exist? How do people who "get it" and "just do it" do that? How do they find what works for them or at least hang on until they do find it? And how do they keep it going once they do get going?

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Rascal Flatts - 2011 CMT Music Awards - I Won't Let Go

Rascal Flatts - 2011 CMT Music Awards - I Won't Let Go: "Rascal Flatts"

One of the guys in the back up choir is a good friend! I am so stinking proud of him! Even more so since he didn't wave or wear some red flower on his lapel to get some extra attention.....something he is good at doing;)

Rascal Flatts - 2011 CMT Music Awards - I Won't Let Go

Rascal Flatts - 2011 CMT Music Awards - I Won't Let Go: "Rascal Flatts"

One of the guys in the back up choir is a good friend! I am so stinking proud of him! Even more so since he didn't wave or wear some red flower on his lapel to get some extra attention.....something he is good at doing;)

de ja crappy doodle doo....

well the "gentleman" who called me for the interview last week and then 20 minutes later told me my resume was crap and and the worest he had read and i was wasting his time has called back today.
um dude i didn't get a license since last frday and i still only have a bachelor's and a master's sssooooooo yeah.....what the what?
i am too freakin scared to call back and risk the emotional havoc he helped tip off and i wasn't raised to not call someone back. they took their tim so i should respect that.

I honesly would like to think he didn't forget last week so quickly but what else would it be?

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Hey Drazil......

since i can't commenton your blog either now i will just post to you here! take that blogger!

I confess
...i am number400 something and 500...i feel ya ocd;)
....that i used to introduce guy friends as boyfriends when asked. Like say shopping in lane bryant and and the says lady would be all up in my bidness asking "oh who is this here is hubby?" i would reply "well great the jig is up now huh? (looking at my guy friend who was uusally gay and holding his hand or cuddling up to him) this is my boyfriend. but don't tell my husband what he looks like because he might flip ot if he knew i was dating his brother." cause you knwo Christmas would be wierd and all....
....i confess i needed the humour of this today. thank you!

congrats on the anniversary and hope ou like my present of being back at 500!lol

cleared cookies.added pop up window. logged out and rebooted computer. stupid not able to comment any more! i will figure out how to fix this!

What the what blogger????

why can't i comment on other blogs? i type the cmment an ten when i try to post it requests i sign in, which i have done or do.....aian and agan to no avail!
is this just me or is any one else having this issue? or if you have had the issue ho do you fix it? it has been going on for a few days (some days are hit and miss at that) and i have missed a couple things i would have liked to join in or say.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011


well still haveing some issues with the attitudes at the picnic today. I heard from a member of the group that they thought what i had chosen to bring...or the mentality of it should have been what the whole group did. That we should have hd a "healthy" meal as out picnic not 12 versions of mayo potato salad and such. Don't get me wrong I likes a tater as much as the next person. A fry you up some onion and white taters....oooowwweeee good stuff people!
But anywho I was like "um ok....then why didn't you say anything?" didn't bother to ask why that person was one of the people picking at me for my food choices.
I am tring hard not to become disenchanted but the shiney is definatly off the new. :(

I am also pretty sure "crappiness" follows me around these days. I ran into a Huck's convience store earlier to get a drink. Well i got a unsweet tea and while i was pouring it some guy comes up and says "hey fatty, sweet enough for you?" i was like did you just call me ...and hesays" yeah i asked if it was sweet enough for you fatty." what the hell? I don't know this guy from Adam and I honestly have no clue where he was coming or going. I pointed at the sign that said unsweet tea and just looked at him. The awesome part.....not one of the other people standing at the drink station said a word to the guy. I know some of them heard him because they were staring at us.

Well the migraine fom this weekend is back and for some reason my legs/shin/calf are killing me tonight.

Night all.


Had mom's care plan meeting.
She is not coming ome like the nurse said. Apparently thy feel she will not ever be able to come home or do assisted living.
Had the weight loss group picnic today. Headache in and of it's own self. The highlight of it was that several people commented bcause i wouldn't eat the hot dogs. I brough turky and I brought extra to share. I ha tomato, lettuce and healthy buns to eat them on. I also brought fresh fruit and a small veggie tray. I ate none of the desserts, chips mayo based items or such and it was waorse than being at your italian grandma's for dinner. "Eat some of this" "try this" "why aren't the hot dogs good enough for you?" yes some one aked tat. i said they were find but i had wanted turkey burgers instead so i picked some up and then it became try to get wendy to eat a hot dog day. I had so many food pusers coming at me and those who weren't hard core pushing were telling me "well you haveto have treats now and then" i get that but i have done almot 37 years of reats no and then and fr me there hve been way to many now and thens. Everyone examined my food choice because, well i guess becuase they could and made some comment as to why i was trying to be so healthy. One lady even said "I don't everwant to be that healthy...yuck!"
I don't get it.

more later...the boy is hollering for me.....

Monday, June 6, 2011

Well if you can't say anything nice.....

So i guess I won't say anything other than it is becoming last week all over again for me. And it seems to be charging interest.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

When I can't sleep ...Or more commonly known as my youtube addiction

Hello my name is wendy and i have a problem. I am addicted to youtube and when i can't sleep i tend to watch way too much stuff off of it.
One night I watched the whole Little House mini series ....did you know there was one? And that Melissa Gilbert is not in it? You should youtube it.

but tonight I need humor so please....humor me;)

This guy rocks my socks...old enough to be my daddy but with those lungs I could so over look the age thing. Well if i wasn't married and he promised to sing for me on demand;) And if he wasn't married as well.

Little known fact about me....I used to rock this song. I had three bands ask me to join becuase of this song. SSShhhh the hubs doesn't even know that detail about me.

My son rolls his eyes at this one when it plays. (sorry the video is so cheesy but it is classic Meat Loaf and what goes better with meatloaf than cheese?lol)I keep trying to tell him he needs to know his Meat day Meat Loaf will be the reason his wife marries him. You should see the eye rolls that gets me!

Anyhoo aside from sharing how I humor myself when I can't sleep I am also sharing a years long goal of mine. I want to go see Meat Loaf in concert. He has come withing three hours of my home but each time something has happened and going to the concert didn't.

And when I listen to him sing I get the "maybes". Maybe one day I will get to see him sing in person. Maybe one day I will finally learn to play piano because of him. For some reason his music makes me want to play piano. Maybe one day he and I could hang out one afternoon and he can tell me how the heck he kept on keeping on with everything so negative around him. Maybe I can tell him that when the day is just that bad or I need to take some time out I go driving at the lakes just me and him singing duets at the top of our lungs ;) we have actually gotten pretty tight on this one...

well this one too....

this one we can probably do for an encore....just saying ;)

Sorry this turned into a Meat Loaf Love Fest. I do watch other things on your tube. But gosh I love his music and voice! The emotion is there in every note and letter! And he has a song for every twist and turn of the roller coaster we call life.

I promise this post reflects all of my own unpaid opinions. Meat Loaf doesn't know me and didn't ask as a favor from me and my awesomenss to talk about him. Although if he did shoot me an email or called and asked me too I would definatly do so and let all yall know how nice he probably was when he asked. I would have to let him know I am not happy abotu the name change. Marvin was a perfectly fine name and there are already so many Micheals in the could have left well enough alone there Meat.

Good grief I need some sleep I think I have definatly crossed into looney land!lol

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Past few days....

Well let me see what level of catch up I can play before the washer ends and I have to reload.
1) weighed in on Tuesday...up 8 dang pounds! And had to argue the weight recorder because they said I stayed the same weight. Um no 366 (what i weighed on tuesday) from 358 (what I weighed the tuesday before) make a 8 pound gain. Come one. I can get that one with out a calculator so i know i am right!
2) From out of no where today Aunt Flo decided to show up almost two weeks early! What the heck lady? Do you think I just sit around and wait for your visits? And sorry but WARNING PROBABLY TMI but she hits me with such full force that i need her to be here when she is supposed to be not early or it can make for some very night mare from highshcool like moments. Which it just about did today!
3) I still have a hitch in my giddy up about the weight loss group I am in doing WeightWatchers. I have rolled it around and rolled it around and it still bugs me.
4) When I was at my weightloss group another woman demanded my food journal from me. I was rather annoyed with this because this group (there are three thicks as theives and as annoying as posion ivy in your girl parts) of women acted like I just killed a bus load of nuns when i refused them. Apparently at some point in my year absence from the group they came up with a food journal challange on their own and pushed it at every meeting until others accepted it to get them to shut up. The idea is you keep a journal, show it to them for them to lord over and decide if you need a token that week for a chance to win a month's worth of free dues. Well funny only one person other than these three women ever win free dues. And the other person has only managed to get it once in a years time. Well in all it's good and bad I have kept up with my food and journaled it for the last two months because honestly I thought well it is a ok idea even if they did come up with it.
Ok so back to last Tuesday, I told the lady finally after sevral comments "ok fine catch" and tossed my ipod touch at her and said the food journal was on there under a sparkpeople app and to have at it. Well duh on me you have to have internet to open the app and since it was on their "official" (wich is a hand drawn chart one of them made) page it doens't count. WTH? It doesn't count? which is odd because i have never been offered/ or given upon request their chart and I personally like my app that gives my nutrition to me and keeps my calorie count for me.
Doesn't count my butt chick.
Well some words were exchanged and of course your's truely Miss Too Big For Her Britches here pops off at the woman after a couple of commentsshe made at me that I tried to let slide and threw a big ugly remark her way. And it was ugly of me. I commented about how "pathetic she was being because she didn't have anything else of value going on for herself that she has to be such a (word I won't repeat) and to get the stick out of the (word I won't repeat) out of her @$$. Well she rightfully fired back and called me a couple of names and said that "all the people just put up with me there because they had no other choice." that " if they could ban me they would and everyone felt that way." Well at this point you could hear crickets in the room. I just turned around and smile at her and said "you know might be right about that. everyone might feel that way...every last voice in your crazy head is probably telling you those exact words as I speak but that like her I don't give them much thought because for some one so "disliked" then why did 90% of the group come and ask me to take my weight recorder position back? and the oddly enough the person who took it over when my job changed and forced me out of it even offered it back to me?" I mean come on if that was true i will kiss her bare butt at high noon on the court square on the fourth of july and give away watermelon to the spectators just to have more peole come watch! They had just elected the postions a short bit before I came back and I would have been ok with taking it back if not for mom's health and my job search and I honestly felt like since there were a couple new people it wasn't very thoughtful of me to do so. I wouldn't cotton to a stanger suddenly showing up and weighing me with out much thought.
But anyway. Words have been said. This woman doesn't like me and hasn't since I started there. I hadn't thought either way about her really until when I wanted to be elected weight recorder and during the elections she tried to get voted for everything else and couldn't and then suddenly went after the position I wanted she had been heard to say wasn't worth her time. Plus we have all caught/heard her telling other people's weigh in numbers. She just over hears them through the door and wall I guess. I have been told by other people they felt uncomfortable with her having their numbers (weight) and would have refused her being elected. But anyway.
She and I had words. I said words no one should ever say in a certain type of building *hangs head in shame* and we meet in that certain type of building.
I did talk to the president afterwards and since I wasn't able to stay for the meeting (I had mom stuff to handle)I asked him to share my apologies for my actions with everyone. And now I don't even want to go back on tuesday for weigh in. Maybe ever go back. It just seems so much is stacking up against this group and it all seems to be on me.
5)Thursday of this week I had the worse day I have had in forever. I couldn't breath without crying and being so broke down I seriously thought I should have the boy (who is 16 at the end of this month) drive me to the ER to have them check me out. I wailed and snorted and snoted until I literally cried myself to sleep for a couple hours on the couch. And then I cried more. My eyes are still pretty swollen (i look like i have had allergic reaction).I did ok Friday but had a couple of "crying jags" and have only cried a few times today. I don't know what this is. Maybe emotional and physical exhaustion? Maybe the new meds aren't my friend? (The new med being prystique...which lucky me I don't have the wieghloss problem that is such a common side effect it is being widely prescribed off label over it)Maybe it is the not being able to find a job and feeling so pathetic over it. Maybe it is everything that has gone on with mom. Maybe there is just so much going on it is a break down of sorts. I do know my husband and son are keeping a tight maybe becuase i kind of started crying like a loon again during Pirate of the Caribean the other night. They took me to see it to cheer me up and yeah some part in the begining and the tears were on me like lions feeding on a wildebeest at dinner in the Serengeti!
6) yesterday a "friend's" soon to be ex husband took out some of his frustration at my expense on me and when I told him I was not getting in the middle of it it became "dinner time on the serengeti". I am not happy with her and some things she has done and i am not happy with some things he has done. And that is the worest i will say and the most i will ever get in to their business.

still with me?

7)The nurse came to me at mom's last night at about 7 pm to tell me I need to plan for her discharg as it would be occurring soon. Mom can not live on her own yet...maybe ever.... and will need assisted living or better rehab. The nurse then pushes me to discuss this with mom last night. To the point of she came in mom's room while we were there and asked mom if i talked to her yet about her discharge. Well my mom has had two strokes, both of which should have taken her from us in her their own right so you can imagine what two strokes like that have cause along the lines of brain trauma to her...mix that with head strong person who wants to go home that she is and you get crying dinner on the serengeti effect.
Today, after along night of stress and crying, i started to wonder why the nurse came in with this not adminstration or a caseworker or some such person. I called the rehab place and requested the on call person call me asap as it is saturday and the one who is supposed to be there due to family issues. Well the head person of the caseworkers/nurses calls me back. I explain to her what i was told and what happened last night and that i was sort of upset how it was handeled. She told me she has no idea why the nurse said this to me or to my mom as they aren't looking to discharge her for a while yet. That she is not even up for a review to be discharged. Again...what the he//? And this discovery led me to plop every issue we have had with the facility, and strangley enough the same nurse is envolved each time, out there on the table. Several issues surprised the lady i was talking to as she is the person who is to be notified of anything new/different/odd about a pt. Even if it is they might have slightly slipped with no injury she is to be told about it.
So now there will be meetings on monday or tuesday with her, I and several other people. I am not one bit ok with my mom being there right now. I don't think she will get hurt or anything I am just so upset about it all though.

crap what number am I on? Well maybe that means I have yammered enough...especially since my washer stopped 20 minutes ago!

I am sure there have been good things in the week. It is just that they have some pretty big shadows to try to come out from under.

Hope everyone else has had a better time of things!

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Drowning in my own pain.

I miss the mom i used to have so bad today it is damn near killing me. I know I can drive an hour and go see the person who is holding her place these days and maybe, if I am lucky enough, I might catch a glimpse that seems so close the to the used to be her that I can hang on to it for a few more whatever.
I miss the woman I used to call when I was hurting. And God I hurt so badly today. By the way God where did you go? I was raised in the church and I believe in you. And i was always taught you don't give us any more than we can handle but you have to stop. I can't take anymore. I can't get through the last sevral months to even breathe right now. What did I do to you to make you so mad at me?

I just hurt so much today. I have cried for the last 3 hours. I sat in the tub with the shower on trying to make it stop and cover up the noise. I have tried to talk myself down just hear my own sobs drown out my thoughts even. I don't get what I have down so wrong to feel this badly.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Well feeling a little bit better about things today.

Thanks guys! I appreciate it you having my back...well at least in a cyber pet you on the head cause your ice cream feel of your cone kind of way that you have it.:)
I thought about calling for his supervisor except he is the director of the facility.....yeah.
It just sucks because in my go big or go home way I was actually thinking "Sweet God is turning the tide I could get hired here transfer mom if it is a really good place and move back to my home town and dah dah dah." You know all smoke and glitter covered type pipe dreams.
Oh!!! An odd thing happened yesterday in relation to this. I got a voice mail and it was from him. No he wasn't apologizing. Apparently i missed the voice mail somehow and just got the missed call notice and had called back from it. Any hoo ol' boy left a message about the who, what and where and why being he wanted to set up a interview. Well on that voice mail is also a moment where you can here some one in the back ground and he yells at them for interrupting and goes back to leaving me a message like nothing happened!wth?????? He verbally beotch slapped the poor woman in the back ground! If I had heard the message when he left it (still not sure why it came through the next day) I would have never even thought of calling back. I mean i do want a job. Unemployment sucks in that you don't get them same as what you used to make and there is only so much tv you can handle in a day. Or reading, internet, or housework for that matter. But I honestly would not last long there. I can already feel in my bones that he would do that to some one infront of me and Lord help us all me and my big mouth would be on it like a dog wallering a dead animal!
Well if that last line didn't tell you I am southerner I don't know what ever will!

On a lighter note, and if your stell wondering if I am actually southern or not, I baked cookies for the boy today. Home made, from scratch choclate chip oreo stuffed cookies! They are deadly! I would post a pick of them if I knew how because every woman should have these babies in their recipe box.

Hope you all are doing way better than me! As for myzzzzself I thzzzz..i..zzzznnkk I fezzz..eelzzzzl azz nap cccoooo zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Friday, May 27, 2011

How to be totally excited and then crushed in about 20 minutes.

Well I got my first call for a interview since being fired in dec of last year (whole other post in it's self for another day) and withing 20 minutes no longer had the interview.

I called and was scheduled and being the ocd over achiever I am I went to their web site to start refreshing myself about them. I happened to think I should eyeball the job description as well. Well I noticed it seemed different and (because I am ocd i copied and pasted the orginal job description I applied to and saved it in a word doc.)when I checked my saved copy it was different by several lines. One line which was new stated requiring a social workers license. Well ok....hhmmmm. So i called the interviewer back to ask about it. I told him I did not have the licenses part of the requirements. He asked "well what do you have then? " I told him my degrees and additional areas to which he replied " is that all?let me grab your resume...oh wait i remember now...(and i am quoting) your resume was terrible and too hard to read. you know what your wasting my time just cancel this( i assume the interview) and hung up on me.

I have a Bachelors and Masters with two areas of focus. I feel so punched in the stomach right now.

Yeah I guess that is all.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Just a few of the things I have on my mind tonight.

From tonight's episode of Criminal Minds, William Glasser - "What happened in the past that was painful has a great deal to do with what we are today."

A phrase that I pretty much think of on a daily baisis "The things we carry with us." I googled it to see if it was a quote I may have heard in my english lit luck. If any one knows of one it belongs to let me know though!

And have just finnished watching "Seven Pounds". And for some reason since it is showing back to back I am watching it again. Maybe I just need a good heart wrenching cry?

One last thing, but the one I would give any thing for, I if could trade places with my mom I would. In a heart beat. No second thoughts. Today she has called me, ironically enough, 7 times. And each time, for a brief moment my mind tricks me and it is like holding the past in my fingers just for it to slip away. Last night when we visited she complained of not having my number so I wrote it down on several post it notes and placed them around her room taping over them to keep them in place. I am glad I did so she can call me.....I just, yeah.

Last night she also asked me a few different times to go get her daughter for her. I am her only child.


Too tired today to have much of anything beneficial too say. Maybe tomorrow.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Note to self.

Dear Me,
You need to know when you are tired enough to forget where you are driving to you should go home and stay there. And take a nap. You should not go to walmart and do some totally useless shopping that results in ice cream( two different kinds at that!) coming home with you and not getting any thing necessary like foil. Or a refill for your beloved ink pen.

You should also not not go see your mom but you should know when you are this tired the two hour round trip to get there will make it worse resulting in crappola food choices. Yes mt dew and sprite are some tasty drinks. Yes the bacon cheeseburger pizza you picked up for dinner with mom was really tasty with it's pickle and mustard instead of tomato sauce. Yes the ice cream cookie sandwich you ate on the way there was also tasty (carp that makes three different kinds of ice cream today!ugh!) with its soft cookies and mini chocolate chips. And while you know when you ordered the pizza you could have gotten yoruself a equally good salad didn't did you? Why because your tired.

Your forgot appointments today and phone calls that had to be made. You just went down hill after your weightloss group meeting and yes, the psuedo weight watchers thing is still stuck in your craw (is that how you spell craw?) but come on! You have thought the weight watchers thing through enough to know what is getting to you about today's anouncement is this....yes they can learn how to do it. And yes several or all may do it well and loose weight where you flopped at it. And there is also the issue you have that it won't be done properly...cause people green peas ain't free! And just because fruit is free doesn't make it a free for all! I don't feel it will be done correctly. It bothers me because I was raised that if you are going to do something do it right. And it bother's me that several things I know to be correct that I have learned in the meeting I being told by those who have not put in the time that I am wrong. I was so ill about it at one point I flipped the books and was like here...such and such is such and such points....not free! And then when I said i have links to some really great ww's sites and the correction pdfs you would have thunk I asked to skin someone's puppy!
I need to get off of it...the horse is dead and I have beat it to mush.

Oh and yes Wendy you can be ok with being a bit bothered by the fact that when the group was talking about the sumer picnic and what they were bringing when you requested turkey dogs you were looked at like you had a turkey dog growing from your forhead. And you can be bothered that the closest thing to a healthy vegetable will be mayonaise based cold slaw. No one liked your offering of a fresh veggie tray...reason being we will have two potato salads, cole slaw, chips, and mayonaise based chicken salad and crackers to accompany the hot dogs. Don't even get me going on the full sugar and fat desserts! But it is ok to be upset with it. It is a bee in your bonnet and you can deal with it. You figured that if the picnic is hosted by a weightloss baised group that the options would be is just disappointing that they aren't.

You may even be sad becuase the enviornment your depending on for healthy support....well you can read the picnic offerings and guess it ain't too figure friendly to say the least. Ok and yeah so darn near a dozen people are bringing desserts...some are bringing two! What the heck is with that???? 98% of what I heard was going to be brung was not one darm bit healthy. Because let's be honest a cherry loses a lot when it comes in a jar marked "marachino"!!! And the woman who put the smack down on your sugar free angel food cake with blueberry sauce made with splenda (or even stevia) idea because you might buy blueberries that are sent over from china and we all know chinese people put poison on them....well she is just looking out for everyone's health. Dear Lord help me she did say it and meant it. How I managed not to fall over out of my chair I still don't know.

Ok ...breathe it is ok. Your just tired. And no one will force you to eat food there. And you can even pack your own this and that because well heck it is your body and no one elses. Just shrug off the dissapointment and move forward. Your do remember forward right? Generally recognized as the direction your face is going in? Well the direction it would be going in if you weren't about to go face deep into your pillow. Now go to bed and spare anyone else from your is getting weird!

Nighty nighty.

I hate turtles!

well not all turtles. I like the small quarter sized ones. And Love the pecan ones! The ones I hate are the ones you are when your weight just sights there.
AAAaarrggghhhh! for two weeks now when I weigh in I am told "woohoo you turtled!" and for the life of me I have to promise myself a pecan turtle if I don't smack the person saying it. I mean come on, if I was at goal then yeah woohoo but I am so far from goal it is not even a twinkle in my eye yet!
"WOOHOO you turtled"....stupid, flipping, ggrrhhgghh.

If the scale hadn't been one of those expensive digital one I would have kicked it.

Maybe the rest of the day will be better.

Oh and carpiest of it all? The weightloss group I go to are going to all try to follow Points Plus! What the heck??? They aren't weight watchers and if you read past posts you will see why this is such a issue for me! I just about smacked my head on the table when I heard it today! June 21st as a group we are going to follow points plus. There will be a prgram discussing how to do it. Which I should add when I talked to the person doing the program....yeah it is gonna be a mess! Olive are free they said. Eat as much fruit as you's free! Green peas are free to! I was like um no. I felt like the got in the aflac ommercial ""nah" "nah" "nah".
I akse dwhat they were going to do about calulator's for the program. The person leading the Donner party towards the California promise of Weight Watcher's with out the knowldge was all "I have the math they use to figure it out...we don't need the calculators". Ooooyyeee this is going to be a hot mess!
And I know I don't have to do it if I don't want to but this has been a huge headaache shapped debate in my head for a while. And dang it! I just made peace with sparkpeople yesterday when they rolled out sparkpeople d!

Can I have two pecan turtles? One for each hand and all?

Sunday, May 22, 2011

My neighbor's undies

Title pretty much says it all. Got a call from neighbor last night, she needed things and was not (she says) able to leave her daughter....mostly it was a want thing. But I digress. Goober here answers the call and takes a list of needs from her house to bring her.

UNDERWEAR.(yes it was clean but still!)

Lines were crossed when i had to touch other people's bare feet to put their shoes on them yesterday.I absolutly hate feet. I think socks should be worn year round so as not to put sock makers out of business and their families on the street. But when I need to, I am willing to take one for the team and get what needs to be done done. As well as I can at times suck it up and bottle up my freak out and have it in the comfort of my own home, but underwear! And they had no flipping tongs in their kitchen either! I stood there in front of the drawer or drawers and lord bless me I gagged on my own panic. When I go to the laundromat I grab up ours in a bunch and secret them into a laundry basket like a ninja secreting away whatever their life may depend on.
I am also the girl who when her brother's ex wife was trying on wedding dresses and I saw parts of her I feel only my brother should have ever seen of anyone in our family couldn't look at her in the face for months! And carp if I wasn't who she wanted to have dress her on her wedding day since I helped her through all her try ons.
But where were we? Oh yeah in front of the drawers. Oh my giddy aunt Gertrude! Lines people! LINES have been crossed! Plain ones, neighborly ones, emotional ones and panty ones.

Forget what I said about wanting to live in the country....I want to live in ANOTHER country now. In the counrty area of another country just to be sure.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Neighbor drama aside.....

After some more goings on tonight with the neighbors the hubs and I went to dinner. At some point during eating I realized I treat everytime I eat like an event. I eat like I am celebrating and unless I want to celebrate yet another size larger I need to pump the brakes on this behavior.
It was sad becuase I hadn't even ordered and I was already thinking "hey i need ice cream after this." during eating the thought was " i need to buy a colts boltz or two for later tonight when I am reading." stopped at gas station on the way home "i need peanut butter m&ms". I did good and didn't get any of this stuff but I can't help but wonder what makes me tick like this?

Do any of you think this way or did you once uppon a long time ago? How did you stop or get over doing this?

So stinkin' proud of myself!

I am proud to announce I figured out how to make a blogs I read list!!!! Wootwoot!!!!

Added to at 6:35pm same day.

Well I thought I would have some interesting snippet or tale to share but nope. I have sat/lay on the couch all day getting my Glee on.
I have written what I have eaten but it ain't pretty.
4 small bb muffins through out the day. 4 tblsp smart balance. 3 brats with buns, 1-1/4 cup kraft mac n cheese. tasted some veggie dip, three petite (cause anything bigger might turn me healthy;) ) baby carrots. Oh an a coke a cola slushie. Must ban self from hucks!

Oh did I mention yesterday I had a v8?

Tonight for dinner will be a chicken and snow pea stir fry sans rice.

I also had to go and get the neighbor settled down and get her and her duaghter to the ER. I am not sure what is going on but the daughter(48) was having stomach pains and to sooth the pain her mother gave her several 500mg vicodin. Not sure how many several mean but the girl was still in pain a hour or two latter when I went over as well as going from hot to cold and back in minutes and the room spinning.
I wish I lived out in the country.
Anyhoo the husband had been over earlier and was trying to get them out the door or an ambulance called to no avail. He came back over here to the house and told me what was going on so I went back over with him. Which I can see part of the problem. The daughter is wadded up in bed and the mother is flipping out and the hubs, trying to be in control is raising his voice jacking up the level of the mom's flipped outness.
I droppped my voice and went to check on the daughter and talked to her for a minute. Then when the mom and the hubs(mine) started coming in and out of the room I, keeping my voice on the same level told him to pull their car around to the front as the front steps were shorter than the back and had the mom get the girls shoes and their purses as well as a house coat. The daughter was a good candidate for a house coat. Did I already say I wished I lived in the country?
So anyhoo I tell hubs and the mom where they need to be and get the daughter into her shoes and house coat and we get up and start making our way through the house down the steps where my husband (lord help me) lifted her against his hip instead of a craddle carry. She started struggeling and I started telling him her feet need to be on the ground or she is going to feel like she is spinning worse. We get them in the car and the daughter started hollering for me to go to. Ok ..told hubs to follow me and we manage to get them to the ER.....and into the "area of admissions and triage." And that is where they still are. Well at least I hope by now they are further back in the ER or admitted and she is getting seen to.
I will say this again, I WISH I LIVED IN THE COUNTRY! I say this only because this is the calmest interaction we have had with these neighbors. Number two is when they moved in in the middle of the night. Three would be the mom asking me (in referance to my reddish hair) if "the carpet matches the drapes?" to which the hubs answered "No...we have blinds." From there it is a escalating group of stories fit for a pub crawl!

Oh shoot! Their dog needs to be walked. Poor thing! I forgot to go and do it earlier :( send the dog good thoughts. Poor thing has to live there and depened on me to remember it today!

Friday, May 20, 2011

Friday ppppffffffff!

Well laid on the couch and ate. Played on the computer and ate.
I ate 1/3 of my extra thick rolled oats with splenda and smart balance, a bake potato with smart balance and butter, half a totino's party pizza, a single serve packet of smooth operator peanut butter, too much chez mix, too much pasta with roasted veggie and turkey bolognese, along with a huge amount of garlic cheese bread and a 20 ounce coke. I was going to top it all of with a blizzard but stopped myself.

I also had a call from a friend earlier. She was odd acting on the phone Or at least I feel she was acting odd. I applied for a position a several of weeks ago and asked her to read my cover letter. Well she took her time about it and I just figured oh well she forgot or something asked someone else to do it and sent it in. She called a few days after that to say she was going to look at it the next day and email it back. I was surprised and said I had already sent it in. She then proceeds to tell me everything that was wrong with didn't you say you were going to look at it the next day? How does she ...anyway.
Well the next time I hear from her is a day or two later and she tells me she has been applying for jobs and when I ask her what types she s me "such and such professional". Which I found odd because one I have never in the ten years I have known her heard her speak of any such interest and two it is the same type of job I am applying for. Um ok. Well ain't that nice? And so fast forward to tonight (two weeks since I last heard from here btw), she calls wanting to know if I have heard anything about it yet and when 8 tell her nothing beyond cinforming my application was register she seemed eager to get off the phone. Maybe it is just me but for some reason a voice inside me is saying she applied for the same job after she heard about it from me. Maybe I am being petty but when I was first telling her about it she wanted all the tiny details of where I found the add and such. But when I asked about the place she applied to for the same type position she would only say here and there. She also became upset sounding when I told her a long time family friend is on the board of directors. I was telling her this because he is also one of my referances on my resume. I told her I had spoken to him about wether he preffered I take him on or off the resume and to let him know I was applying as well as to find out more about the "position" and its goals as well as to also say I wasn't looking for a "in" so to speak but I felt since the situation was odd that I should let him know that I was applying. He said he was fine with being on my resume and if there was an issue he would remove himself from the search committee as well. But I am getting off track. Something keeps nagging at me that she applied for the job as well nd that she is keeping it from me. I do think I am better suited for the job. I have the background, personal and professional experience. Not to mention I have a Masters Degree to her Bachelors. I also hold the same belief system as this position is looking for. I guess now would be a good time to add the detail the position is with a non profit organization with the baptist denomination as a strong factor in it's practices.
But all this aside...the voice is still there nagging at me. I mean she was talking about going back to school to be a nurse and a few days later she is applying for a similar position???? I am trying hard not to be petty about this and keep nice about it all. but the nagging feeling just keeps a nagging.

Please send positive vibes. I don't want to feel this way about this. I can use all the prayers and good thought I can get....I really want this job!

More blah blah blah

Well I slept. Some.
I am so worn out I think I did amazing to even eat a third of my oatmeal today. But then last night was also a binge fest. I was just beyond hungry. I had 2 salmon patties, too much tomato mac, stewed potatoes, a badked potato with some smart balance and a slice of cheese, a large frozen coke, and maybe some other stuff ..oohhh wait 1/3 slice of coconut pie with short bread crust and meringue, and some cantaloup. Yep I THINK that is all of it from dinner to bed. I didn't eat breakfast which i wasn't hungry when i got up yesterday but I did eat lunch which was salmon patties, tomato mac, and stewed potatoes. And noshed here and there on the evil tomatoe mac which I am from here on out going to liken to the devil.

Today is today. I told hubs last night that I am just going to sit on my butt all day tom and he said "like your doing now?" um yeah that wen't over like a lead ballon with wieghts attached.

I am proud of myself with my posting spree this week.
And I will probably post more later today but for now off to sit on my butt since I seem so good at it these days!

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Ready for the day to be over already!

I am ready to crawl in my bed and sleep. Sadly the gas issues are starting up again!
If they stay at the level they are ate i can manage...if not well ............

Went to see Momma tonight. The nurse meet me at the door with the news her roommate had passed away. I felt like this was going to happen soon. I am very deeply sorry for her family. I am not happy to know though that they kept my mom in the physical rehab area all day with out letting me know. I am glad she wasn't in the room for it and she has no clue that is what happened. She thinks the roommate went home. But for some reason I feel like they should have called me should she have had a bad time of it so I could be there for her and not have to be on my way there after the fact.

Food and health wise, well that is a slippery slide down a smooth hill to land in crap creek with no paddle in sight. I have let everything go. I didn't start walking Easter sunday and you know what? It is true that "in a year you will wish you started today" cause i already wish I had started and stuck with this years ago!

Well I am off. I hurt and I am burping like my life depends on it. I guess at least on the bright side it is burps and not the other way around or both ways!

edited to add....I have 7 followers now!!! OMG!!! My favorite number at that! I think I may need to take a bath in skittle to celebrate *wink* *wink* at number 7. Love your blog by the way:)

Aaaahhh Thursday.

Long day already. I have been working my way through child support bureaucracy because the boy's father has not paid support for the second time now since January of this year. I have honestly tried to be nice, especially as he is a truck driver and needs his license but I am at my wits end. He told me in Febuary he would start getting padi agian in March (he quit his job because he just didn't like them...yeah in this economy really? and went in hunt of a new one)but so far hasn't. And on top of it all he tells me "I should understand because this is hard on him and his new family too." He also referred to our son as "obligation" he has to pay for. As if the boy is a bill for services rendered.
I get he has a new wife and I am happy he is blessed with one. I get that he has also made the choice to bring her to his home town with three of her children in tow and prefers to acknoledge those non blood related children as his own and his blood child as a "obligation". Ok fine. His loss missing out on the amazing person the boy is. But this blatant refusal to do his part is getting to me now. I no longer care that he keep a license to be able to drive a semi. He has done his best to do his bare minimium in this case. He has gotten behond before and I am nice enough to contact him not official shild support enforcement. But today....well today I am done with nice. I don't want him to not have a license or sit in jail but I don't want him to keep taking advantage either. I am not sure how far I will push this either though. Any suggestions? I was told I can turn him into child support for non payment and I have and that I can report his intent not to pay support which I for some reason take to mean the law gets involved. I just don't know how far to puch ya know?

I have managed to get my mom's diability there is a win for the day.

I also managed to only get two hours of sleep last night. So maybe the day is barely breaking even? And it was by force I didn't sleep. The hubs snored so loud I even heard him in the other room and for some reason I had the worest gas ever! I had a snack of triscuits yesterday and up my veggies but dang! This was bad enough that i was having to fight not throwing up when I burped and my abdomen was lumpy! WT HECK??? It was crazy bad ....I took four extra strength gas ex gel tabs and then the pepermint flavoe started to make me gag as well. I would say around 6 am is when I literally passed out from exhaustion this morning. I have had bad times of this before but never this bad. I was even to the point if I had had insurance I would have headed to the E.R. . At least the lumpy abdomen is gone this morning but I am trying to barely nibble here and there as I am worried it may start again.

We are going tonight to have dinner with momma and to change the deadbolt locks on her front door. I have this dread the night is going to be a long one and I already have a migrains starting.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011 wensda..wait...wedensday....

I am so tired i can't spell the day! I am honestly sitting here and trying to spell it but for the life of me I can't with out a little spell check help! Btw it's wednesday. all this name of the day talk has reminded me of the Monday's child poem....

Mondays child poem

Mondays child is fair of face,
Tuesdays child is full of grace,
Wednesdays child is full of woe,
Thursdays child has far to go,
Fridays child is loving and giving,
Saturdays child works hard for his living,
And the child that is born on the Sabbath day
Is bonny and blithe, and good and gay.

Which made me look up what day of the week I was born on. I think the poem is wrong because I was born on Monday. But if you take the boy for example , he was born on friday, it is as correct as perfection.

Anywho...busy day already. I got up got ready for the day, loaded the dishwasher and fixed some breaksfast. I then ran to rite aid, walgreens and the bank before heading over for a counseling apt. Which over achiever me scheduled for the next 6 months worth of appointments! I think I have hit the honeymoon phase of the new medication I am on. I just hope this lasts. It would be nice to be "on" instead "huh?". Then I went to this place called Beans to Blossoms to pick up some snow peas (which I had some from there last night and if a snow pea can taste perfect their's definatly do!)a hanging basket of picasso petunias that they made up for me.
I also found out while I was there I had planted my zinnia's more like grass should be planted. So I asked them if they wanted my extra seedling so as not to just throw them away. They said sure.

So as you can guess miss can't spell but in the honey moon phase and "on" over here came home started lunch and dug up a few hundred zinnia seedling and took them promplty back over there. I think they didn't believe me when I described what I had and how I planted but I am confident they do now.
After dropping them off I scooted home, dead headed the garden, ate some lunch and have been plotting revenge on the squirrles for digging up whole tomato and pepper plants!

I am tickled with how much better I feel today compared to the last few weeks. It is awesome. Well except for that from the gardening and all my legs hurt so bad that when I sit down they shake. And I kind of can't get them to stop. I am sure it is from using muscles I have ignored for eons and nothing serious. It is kind of funny though. I have always been a leg jiggler but this is a whole new level. I think I am going to get me some alieve and quit picking at my lunch and take a nap.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

And it is only Tuesday!

I swear it feels like a week should have already passed but no such luck! It is only Tuesday. I am so tired I could curl up in the bathroom floor, barricade the door and cry myself to sleep while sucking my thumb. And I am not ashamed to admit it.

We looked at another rehab place for momma. Fell in love and then they ask what her insurance is...which they don't take. Come on people. Found out her dr has been sitting on her paper work for two weeks on top of the other one sitting on it for 6 weeks. And the people waiting for the papers say they call every three days until they get guessed it they didn't. How do all this people keep getting a paycheck for not doing their jobs? Oh and the people waiting for the papers and I were on the phone when at one point the woman i was talking with berated how I have handled things and that I have done everything wrong and i must get paperwork that doesn't concern her from the people it does concern as it has private medical information on it. I finally told her after she accused accused me of being irrational and telling me to get a hold of myself that she needed to worry about her part and the paper work that concerns her that she didn't keep in touch over on any level so far and not tell me how to take care of one of the few aspects of this whole sitaution that are taken care of absolutly the way they should be.
I can not believe the woman called me irrational and all that phooey. And this was her reply when I simply asked her " what do I need to do to get you what you need today to start getting my mom her disability again?". I said it nicely enough that when she started yelling at me on the phone my son was even shocked.
I think I need some migraine meds and a nap until Thursday or Friday rolls around.

Oh an i still have to go grocery shopping tonight.

And I have not lost any weight this week. I maintained but sucks.

What day is this again? Tuesday? Are you sure? Maybe the calendar is off?

Monday, May 16, 2011

Monday whupped up on me!

Long day of working on mom's diabiity paperwork again. I wrote a new pen dry working on it last night! I have also spent 3 hours on the phone today with her dr.s in paducah and tn trying to get them to get disability the papers they need for her claim.
I ate micky d's for lunch. Not such a great idea.
I then ran errands, went and picked up my son from school and took him for after school snack. I came home and just got a casserole in the oven for dinner when my phone rings and flashes the rehab center's name. My first reaction was oh no! When I answered the phone it was mom demanding to go home. Well long story short the boy and I went to visit and explain the dr is not ready to discharge her yet. We did sign her out to take her by her house to check on things as she said she would be happy if she could just do that. Well we went by her place and drove around some other places. Taking her back to rehab she became highly aggitated and refused to talk to me. Then when will start to pull into rehab she starts telling me no. I explained to her again the dr isn't ready for her to go home yet. Then when we parked she refused to get out of the truck. After 15 minutes of me asking and her refusing she got out but hollard at me demanding her keys because she would just leave later. Ok ok ok. We get her inside and i update nurses on what we did and how things went. One nurse was nice enough to tell me it was probably a bad idea to check her out. No really? You think? Huh I would have never guessed.
I go back to her room and between my son and I we got her settled down and settled in. She asked me not to call the dr and when I asked why I would call the dr she said not to call him and ask him to keep her there. I am still not sure how the breaking on the inside of me at that moment didn't crack through to the outside. I told her I would never do that. And I told her if she needed me to live with her when she can go home I would. She then asked about my son and his going to school. I said he could still stay at home and go to school or I would put him in school in her hometown and take him and pick him up each day. She then nodded her head at me.

Let me back track to going to her house though for a bit as my son and I had to go back after leaving her. When we went by earlier going in I discovered her door was completly unlocked. Odd since I and my son check it each time and only she has keys to it. Mom also mentioned when she looked in her bedroom it looked like someone had beeen on her bed. Like had laid on top of the cover on it. I went out back to check things out and found part over fence is broke and the plants beside it trampled. So some one has been messing with my mother's home. I found out the neighbor's kids are running wild around my mom's home from another neighbor and so one police report later and a planned trip to pick up some light timers I am hoping this is the worest of it. I just can't believe people! My mom is the kind of neighbor who has your why can't her's at least respect her and reel their kids in?

Dinner was chic fila, waffle fries and lemonade........I so don't wnat to weigh in tommorrow. Well poop. make that today as it is now 12:02am! ugh!

What the what?

So i am trolling around the blogs this morning while eating my oatmeal (fyi Bob's Red Mill extra thick oats rock! not a advertisment or review just my opinion:) ) when what did I see???? My blog listed on some one else's blogs I read list! No kidding??? I was so tickled I almost pee'd myself:) I feel so cool now...i can see me or at least my blog name on one more person's reading list!

Sorry I think it has gone to my head now! lol watch out Pioneer Woman by tommorrow visits to my site will out number your site's visit.....well maybe they will out number the times me, myself and I visit your site daily anyway;)

Now I just need to learn how to follow others! Woo boy then won't I be even more awesome? lol!

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Unnatural Fascination

I am so deeply fascinated with this song and video. I love how Adele looks in it. I love the glasses with their water shaking. The dancer in the powder. The broken dishes! All of it! EVERY BIT OF IT!

Lately this has been my go to song.
When I find myself singing this song for any and every reason these days. I am happy and we go "Rolling in the Deep" and "I start playing it to the beat" as loud and strongly as my body will allow me.
When I hurt well "Tears are gonna fall" and I feel so alone in my pain and hurt that "Baby, I have no story to be told" because I feel that alone inside of it all.
When I am upset or frustrated and "Finally, I can see you crystal clear,
Go ahead and sell me out and a I'll lay your shit bare,
See how I'll leave with every piece of you,
Don't underestimate the things that I will do", especially when in concerns family or friends.
If you do choose to mess with mine well "Think of me in the depths of your despair".
But sadly when it comes to me, myself, and I "The scars of your love, they leave me breathless" because honestly I open myself too deeply and quickly. Wanting to be liked and needed.
But soon you will see that "There's a fire starting in my heart,
Reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark," and hopefully I will be able sing it all out into a wonderful freeing feeling that if I am lucky will "Turn my sorrow into treasured gold".

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Not too bad a day all in all.

Tonight we went for a drive. Well we started out going to LBL (Land Between the Lakes for anyone not familiar with "LBL") to go to eat at this little burger stand. I figured out when we got there that I forgot it was Tuesday and the burger place is closed on Tuesday:( So then we headed to drive by the locks and damn dam (sorry little Lampoon humor for you there) because all the locks are open to allow for all the flooding water coming through. It was crazy to see all the locks open! Last year this time I don't think but half of them were open when Tn had all their flooding but I could be wrong. So any way we stoppped by a pizza place for dinner which was so so.Kind of dissapointed since I have heard all this raving about it and it didn't really live up to it. After we eat the fam gets back on the road and we go see momma at rehab. She was pretty popular tonight. Two of her other friends were there and it was starting to be standing room only. I was glad though she and I had some alone time at the end where I got her old nail polish off her and helped her get settled for the night.
I didn't get to weigh in this for the second week in a row:( the person with the scale is flooded in:( :( :( He is ok though. I told him call if he needed anything....we could float things across on one of those pool rafts or some such if nothing else :)
I almost went back to Weight Watchers tonight.....because I couldn't weight today and because I miss the nice people there. But it will be ok.

I have started taking blood pressure meds. Apparently the stress is getting to me. On Easter Sunday my bp was crazy high. So let's hope the meds help.....which let me just add one is a, oh shoot...what is it called? I remember hearing women call them their "water pill" back in the day. Well "water pill" is a good nickname! ooyyeee!
It is doing it's job which is good but wow!

Oh and on the job search front I recieved a few rejection emails today. Last week I was all thrilled with this apply online part of job searching but this week when rejection comes via email....not so much.

I have also delt with alot of mom's affairs/business today. People really are beyond me with how they act at times. And while I am sure I am probably beyond others with my actions at times today has really been a day and a half of attitude!

But all in all it has not been too bad of a day. We have a roof and dry clothing. We had a nice dinner out as family. I saw momma and visited with her and friends. And honestly it coudld all be so much more worse! So thank you Lord for letting me keep my momma even with all I have to get done for her. Thank you for my son and husband and our family time. And oh what the hey thank you even for my cat who even as I type is promptly cutely killing a roll of paper towels under the desk :) Your a pretty good provider Lord!

Sunday, May 1, 2011







These are what are commonly known as "The Five Stages of Grief."
I wish I knew what stage I was in.
I find myself wallowing in these five words more often than not over sitautions that range from 'I have eaten so off plan this whole week' to 'I need my momma' to 'when am I going to find a job' all the way back to childhood's 'why did my uncle give me the presents that my dad brought to his house for me as kid as if my dad hadn't brought them for me?'. I didn't know as a child this occured mind you. I was told by step mom a couple of years ago about this and she described one rag doll (among other items he left for me) that for years I never have been able to understand why my doll loving cousin would give her doll hating cousin (me) a rag doll. And when I did ask why I got doll I was told they thopught we both needed dolls that year. By the way my cousins doll drank a bottle and would pee and close her eyes.
I know I can't change the past and I can't control the future. But don't ya think I could gain some hold on the present? Heck I am so wound up in these words I am in differen't stages for different situations all at the same instance. I am denying my health issues, trying to accept things with momma, angry at the father I wish I had had, and bargining with God over personal relationships all while being deeply depressed about the whole mess!
I wish I knew how to be happy. The day to day kind of happy that is. Free of the past issues, all delt with and neatly put away. I want to be "normal". I want to be the kind of person you see in the kind of relationship see where a couple goes to bed, she putting on lotion and he reading a book and they are all friendly and smoochy. But I am more of the give me space and my pillow and leave me be to shut my mind down so I can have some peace type.
I have always been told I care too much and I hang on to things....but honestly I think that is part of the problem with alot of things today. People don't care enough! But can I possibly care too much? Can caring kill? Maybe, since I am drowning in the deep end of these stages.
I wish I could drop all my baggage but in all honesty the more I try to lay it down it just seems the more I end up carrying.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Woohoo sunshine!!!!

Well we finally have sun again! And it is the shining of the bright green grass kind to boot! FYI.... I am in one of the states that has been hit repeatedly by storms recently and while not as bad as some of the other poor folks we have still had more than our fair share! I am a lover of a good rainey day watching some movies,knitting,reading hanging with the boy and maybe even getting a nap in but the stuff we have had lately is redonkulus!

I would like to report a loss but since we had such bad weather the group I weigh with didn't meat so I won't have any "official" numbers until next Tuesday. But that is ok! I have also sort of hit a tracking calories speed bump since Easter Sunday. But today I am back in the game and i refuse to beat myself up over it. I didn't plan to track on Easter and then the weather kept knocking the power out and ya know what? It is all ok. Seriously!

I did have some upsetting news though. Mom's coverage through insurance ends on May 6th at the rehab facility. So I and a wonderful woman at the hospital are running around headless trying to get her covered under disability and such so she can still get the care she needs. I just wish they would have told me this when she was admitted....not less than two weeks before it is due to happen. But it is ok. We are getting it taken care of and I have a phone interview on monday for her disability case so things will be the best they can be and I will be happy with it.

So I am doing my best to not to my worest and I will hang on to being happy and ok tooth and nail!

Thursday, April 21, 2011


Well we made it through the storms Tuesday night. I actually slept pretty soundly except for some moments of sort of waking up. I had to sort of wake up to seprate the kitties who were all nutso in the butso. I don't think the storms were the problem, or at least not all of it. They would zoom through the bed room around the bed and across. Sometimes they would stop and wrestle each other and I would so so wake up and part the fur.

On getting healthy related news I am doing awesome (if I do say so myself) with keeping up with my calorie counting. I have tracked for three and a quarter days (today isn't over so I can't say four yet ;) )and while one day I met and was defeated by some devil Klondike bars I am bouncing back superbly (again if i do say so myself).
I have not figured up the comparison to points plus because I didn't realize fiber is not listed....hhhmmm.

Not much else other wise. Just some really cold temps which makes me glad to have so I don't have to turn on the air conditioner and doing laundry. Fun times huh?

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Ok let's see what I can say before the storms get going around my neck of the woods!

Ok well first a momma update. Apparently on Sunday she managed to get herself (unknown to the nurses) out side of the rehab facility. Some visitors were leaving and she rolled on out with them and was found out front a little while later. She is fine blood pressure not so much:( Now this facility is small and on a slight hill with a hwy about a hundred yards down in front of it. Best case she was just hanging out and they found her and got her back inside. Worse case.....well....
I am not happy about this but I know I need to breath about it. Things happen and I can't just yank her out of every place I get issues with but come on people!
My mom is not in her normal frame of mind. She calls my son by her nephew's name. She told a friend who called while in her room a few minutes ago three different reasons as to how or why she went out on her own. The staff knows this.
What do I do though?

Well I believe I have a plan for getting healthy.

1)Ok second....I went back to TOPS today. Btw they don't give key chains or washers for weight loss there. I really want a key chain and washers, really. I have lost a totally of 17 pounds though since starting Points Plus in November when it came out. I am happy about it. I honestly am. I think things with momma though is taking the shiney off it for me right now.

2) I am on and for two whole days I have honestly denoted everything I have eaten. Better than I have with points so far...sad I know but true. I like that i can see what percentage of my intake is what and man let me tell ya...the carbs are my demons! OOooyyeee!
I am also going to sit down later tonight and do the math and see where I am point wise. I think it is the grad student/ocd/look too closely monster in me rising up but I do want to see how the two compare just for giggles.

3) On Easter Sunday I am planning on starting 100 DAYS OF INTENTIONAL MOVEMENT FOR 30 MINUTES EACH DAY. I found a printable chart on another blog and I have printed it out and am gonna give it a whirl. I am even going to go buy stickers (because as I said in my earlier post I am a sticker ho) to put on each day I move intentionally:)
I am such a dork!

4) I also, as part of my getting healthy plan, went and saw my counselor today to drop some of the baggage I have gathered up the past few weeks. I got lucky when I called on Monday to schedule a visit and she had a cancelation today so you better believe I jumped all over it! So I am back in her patient rotation. OH! OH! OH! And they have a patient service there to help with my medication I am on...aka "happy pills". I take two differnt kinds and am a way better person on them than with out but 200.00 plus dollars a month is not something I can do on my own. Which my asking for this help is saying alot. I am a keep it to myself don't ask for help type.

5)...not sure what 5 is yet but I am sure there is a 5 as well as a 6,7,8 and so on.

Well I guess that is enough babbeling for now. If anyone reads this and has some input feel free to share or point out what I maight be missing in the scheme of things.

Night night all! And if you are in the line of these storms be careful!

Quick up date.....

Well I am still broken up with Weight Watchers. I am not going to the meeting today. Or Thursday. Nor did I go yesterday. I ....well it it is not that I think it doesn't work ...because it does for some people. I just am not sure it is for me. I also ( and this is so shameful to admit) have been unemployeed since Dec 2010 and the cost is getting to be, not too much so much but better used else where. Which makes me sad. I like the group but not the lack of supplies. And i really wanted the washer and key chain. Man i wanted those suckers really bad! I am a sticker/recognition 'ho like no one's business!
I do have a plan to keep getting healthy and I will post more later about it. I have followed through for yesterday and today and that is the best i can ask of myself:)
More on momma to come as well.
Back later!