Saturday, June 4, 2011

Past few days....

Well let me see what level of catch up I can play before the washer ends and I have to reload.
1) weighed in on Tuesday...up 8 dang pounds! And had to argue the weight recorder because they said I stayed the same weight. Um no 366 (what i weighed on tuesday) from 358 (what I weighed the tuesday before) make a 8 pound gain. Come one. I can get that one with out a calculator so i know i am right!
2) From out of no where today Aunt Flo decided to show up almost two weeks early! What the heck lady? Do you think I just sit around and wait for your visits? And sorry but WARNING PROBABLY TMI but she hits me with such full force that i need her to be here when she is supposed to be not early or it can make for some very night mare from highshcool like moments. Which it just about did today!
3) I still have a hitch in my giddy up about the weight loss group I am in doing WeightWatchers. I have rolled it around and rolled it around and it still bugs me.
4) When I was at my weightloss group another woman demanded my food journal from me. I was rather annoyed with this because this group (there are three thicks as theives and as annoying as posion ivy in your girl parts) of women acted like I just killed a bus load of nuns when i refused them. Apparently at some point in my year absence from the group they came up with a food journal challange on their own and pushed it at every meeting until others accepted it to get them to shut up. The idea is you keep a journal, show it to them for them to lord over and decide if you need a token that week for a chance to win a month's worth of free dues. Well funny only one person other than these three women ever win free dues. And the other person has only managed to get it once in a years time. Well in all it's good and bad I have kept up with my food and journaled it for the last two months because honestly I thought well it is a ok idea even if they did come up with it.
Ok so back to last Tuesday, I told the lady finally after sevral comments "ok fine catch" and tossed my ipod touch at her and said the food journal was on there under a sparkpeople app and to have at it. Well duh on me you have to have internet to open the app and since it was on their "official" (wich is a hand drawn chart one of them made) page it doens't count. WTH? It doesn't count? which is odd because i have never been offered/ or given upon request their chart and I personally like my app that gives my nutrition to me and keeps my calorie count for me.
Doesn't count my butt chick.
Well some words were exchanged and of course your's truely Miss Too Big For Her Britches here pops off at the woman after a couple of commentsshe made at me that I tried to let slide and threw a big ugly remark her way. And it was ugly of me. I commented about how "pathetic she was being because she didn't have anything else of value going on for herself that she has to be such a (word I won't repeat) and to get the stick out of the (word I won't repeat) out of her @$$. Well she rightfully fired back and called me a couple of names and said that "all the people just put up with me there because they had no other choice." that " if they could ban me they would and everyone felt that way." Well at this point you could hear crickets in the room. I just turned around and smile at her and said "you know what...you might be right about that. everyone might feel that way...every last voice in your crazy head is probably telling you those exact words as I speak but that like her I don't give them much thought because for some one so "disliked" then why did 90% of the group come and ask me to take my weight recorder position back? and the oddly enough the person who took it over when my job changed and forced me out of it even offered it back to me?" I mean come on if that was true i will kiss her bare butt at high noon on the court square on the fourth of july and give away watermelon to the spectators just to have more peole come watch! They had just elected the postions a short bit before I came back and I would have been ok with taking it back if not for mom's health and my job search and I honestly felt like since there were a couple new people it wasn't very thoughtful of me to do so. I wouldn't cotton to a stanger suddenly showing up and weighing me with out much thought.
But anyway. Words have been said. This woman doesn't like me and hasn't since I started there. I hadn't thought either way about her really until when I wanted to be elected weight recorder and during the elections she tried to get voted for everything else and couldn't and then suddenly went after the position I wanted she had been heard to say wasn't worth her time. Plus we have all caught/heard her telling other people's weigh in numbers. She just over hears them through the door and wall I guess. I have been told by other people they felt uncomfortable with her having their numbers (weight) and would have refused her being elected. But anyway.
She and I had words. I said words no one should ever say in a certain type of building *hangs head in shame* and we meet in that certain type of building.
I did talk to the president afterwards and since I wasn't able to stay for the meeting (I had mom stuff to handle)I asked him to share my apologies for my actions with everyone. And now I don't even want to go back on tuesday for weigh in. Maybe ever go back. It just seems so much is stacking up against this group and it all seems to be on me.
5)Thursday of this week I had the worse day I have had in forever. I couldn't breath without crying and being so broke down I seriously thought I should have the boy (who is 16 at the end of this month) drive me to the ER to have them check me out. I wailed and snorted and snoted until I literally cried myself to sleep for a couple hours on the couch. And then I cried more. My eyes are still pretty swollen (i look like i have had allergic reaction).I did ok Friday but had a couple of "crying jags" and have only cried a few times today. I don't know what this is. Maybe emotional and physical exhaustion? Maybe the new meds aren't my friend? (The new med being prystique...which lucky me I don't have the wieghloss problem that is such a common side effect it is being widely prescribed off label over it)Maybe it is the not being able to find a job and feeling so pathetic over it. Maybe it is everything that has gone on with mom. Maybe there is just so much going on it is a break down of sorts. I do know my husband and son are keeping a tight watch....it maybe becuase i kind of started crying like a loon again during Pirate of the Caribean the other night. They took me to see it to cheer me up and yeah some part in the begining and the tears were on me like lions feeding on a wildebeest at dinner in the Serengeti!
6) yesterday a "friend's" soon to be ex husband took out some of his frustration at my expense on me and when I told him I was not getting in the middle of it it became "dinner time on the serengeti". I am not happy with her and some things she has done and i am not happy with some things he has done. And that is the worest i will say and the most i will ever get in to their business.

still with me?

7)The nurse came to me at mom's last night at about 7 pm to tell me I need to plan for her discharg as it would be occurring soon. Mom can not live on her own yet...maybe ever.... and will need assisted living or better rehab. The nurse then pushes me to discuss this with mom last night. To the point of she came in mom's room while we were there and asked mom if i talked to her yet about her discharge. Well my mom has had two strokes, both of which should have taken her from us in her their own right so you can imagine what two strokes like that have cause along the lines of brain trauma to her...mix that with head strong person who wants to go home that she is and you get crying dinner on the serengeti effect.
Today, after along night of stress and crying, i started to wonder why the nurse came in with this not adminstration or a caseworker or some such person. I called the rehab place and requested the on call person call me asap as it is saturday and the one who is supposed to be there due to family issues. Well the head person of the caseworkers/nurses calls me back. I explain to her what i was told and what happened last night and that i was sort of upset how it was handeled. She told me she has no idea why the nurse said this to me or to my mom as they aren't looking to discharge her for a while yet. That she is not even up for a review to be discharged. Again...what the he//? And this discovery led me to plop every issue we have had with the facility, and strangley enough the same nurse is envolved each time, out there on the table. Several issues surprised the lady i was talking to as she is the person who is to be notified of anything new/different/odd about a pt. Even if it is they might have slightly slipped with no injury she is to be told about it.
So now there will be meetings on monday or tuesday with her, I and several other people. I am not one bit ok with my mom being there right now. I don't think she will get hurt or anything I am just so upset about it all though.

crap what number am I on? Well maybe that means I have yammered enough...especially since my washer stopped 20 minutes ago!

I am sure there have been good things in the week. It is just that they have some pretty big shadows to try to come out from under.

Hope everyone else has had a better time of things!

2 comments:

The Path Traveled said...

Wow, You went through a lot of stress this week. Sorry how that nurse handled things, she had no right. Hope your feeling better soon and happier things come across your path.

♫ Drazil ♪ said...

Awww - I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers...keep your chin up honey! xoxo