Thursday, June 2, 2011

Drowning in my own pain.

I miss the mom i used to have so bad today it is damn near killing me. I know I can drive an hour and go see the person who is holding her place these days and maybe, if I am lucky enough, I might catch a glimpse that seems so close the to the used to be her that I can hang on to it for a few more whatever.
I miss the woman I used to call when I was hurting. And God I hurt so badly today. By the way God where did you go? I was raised in the church and I believe in you. And i was always taught you don't give us any more than we can handle but you have to stop. I can't take anymore. I can't get through the last sevral months to even breathe right now. What did I do to you to make you so mad at me?

I just hurt so much today. I have cried for the last 3 hours. I sat in the tub with the shower on trying to make it stop and cover up the noise. I have tried to talk myself down just hear my own sobs drown out my thoughts even. I don't get what I have down so wrong to feel this badly.

2 comments:

Kimberlynn said...

I wish there was something I could say to comfort you Wendy. All I know to do is pray through this. It's okay to cry or scream or whatever else you need to do right now. I don't have any concrete answers, but I do know that God isn't mad at you. He never promised a life free of pain, but He has promised to walk with us through it. Rest in him friend! He will bring you peace.

I'll keep you in my prayers!

(((Love and a big hug)))

Wendy said...

Just thinking of me is enough. You are so awesome and I appreciaste your kind words and thoughts.
I truely wish i knew what was wrong with me thursday. I have no clue. I was so upset I couldn't breath with out crying at times. And just about had a few repeat moments Friday and this morning. So far I have been able to reel it in though.
Maybe my medication has soemthing to do with it as well. I am not a big fan of the prystique they put me one because 1) i haven't had days like the last few in forever and 2) i am so not having the weightloss side effect i read and found out it is being prescribed for! lol weight loss is not my reason to take it but darn would have been a nice side effect!