I ate good until a kid made me cry yesterday. Then I wallowed in it big time and ate like a lion at dinner time on the serengeti.......well if the lion could call out for pizza and had popcorn balls. And chocolate and damn it i just remembered i didn't track the soda i guzzeled down.
I tracked all day....I have 11 point plus left over and I have had dinner and all. Sounds like a popcorn night to me.
Yeah you read that right...I tracked all day. Religously. I don't know why I did since I was pretty sure I had given up the WWs way.
I still don't like me very much, I like that I did loose some weight, 4.6 lbs, but i think since tom has come and gone that is why.
And I managed to give the cat his antbiotic pill one hand first try today! How did he reward me? While gone to WWs he puked all over the freaking couch!
And I think this is a huge wall in the way of my getting healthy and losing weight(among other things).
I read all over God's creation how we have to like oursleves....no love our selves in order to break free and loose and get healthy. But i don't like me so where does that leave me? And what about others like me?
I know I have good intentions but then again.....isn't the road to hell paved with them? And ironically, as Dante says "we carry our hell within ourselves" (not sure about the exactness of the quote) which I totally agree with.
So If I am making my way to my inner hell with my own intentions how messed up does that make me? Or my effort to loose this weight.
Cause I am losing my mind today.
Unbelieveable ill at everything. Fussed with the boy tried to make up and was told "diasable my phone ....it is stupid and I don't want it anymore. I am tired of messing with it." the fussing had nothing to do with his phone ssooooo wth?
I feel like no one is here for me but I have to be one and here and bubbly for everyone else.
I got my hair done monday. It took three hours and it is fairly nice but I think why I am so happy with it is I talked to another adult and laughed and cut up for three hours....not because I am so happy about the hair. How pathetic is that?
Dropped the boy at school. Dropped of my dress shirt at the cleaners....maybe haveing it pressed will schnazzy it up some. Hit up thr grocery store and had the idea of doing a eat in challange of myself. Nevermind i had just rolled through micky d's and gotten a number 11 with a unsweet two splenda tea:)
So this idea is to see how much eating in my son and i can do. I will permit one eat out night because we take momma out once a week at least.....maybe two nights. But also when we do go out for that meal it must be as healthy as i can do it.
I am also going to add a side of eating mostly from what is in the freezer and not "eating out at home" by going to store on a whim for any new recipies i just found tht look yummy. And a side of soda free.....i miss you already sierra mist as well as healthy carbing it. "The whitter the meal the sooner you'll keel.....over that is!" ;p
I am tracking a la wieghtwatchers today. I plan on going to the meeting. I also have to get this head of hair cut and colored along with a dozen other errnds.....so what ever comes out in the wash is what gets done and what doesn't well....doesn't.
I went clothes shopping this weekend. I am effing miserable.
N
O
T
H
I
N
G
NOT
ONE
DAMN
THING!!!!!
FIT
This is normally what makes a woman have her "aha" moment. And Gawd knwos i have had my fair share of them. Hell earlier last week (Monday after weightwatchers) some unknown dud walked up to me at the park's tennis courts and hands me a card saying "when weight watchers doesn't work call me i can make you loose the weight"....um ok thanks. He handed me a card for some fruit and veggie drink supplement (which might i add he couldn't even tell me what was in it except for "good stuff" which butt head is not true in my case. Your product has shellfish in it....of which I am allergic!
But any way I was astounded he just came up to me like that. And then i prayed he just didn't think I was so horrendously fat he had a "right or duty" to help me and jumped up to look in my vehicle to see if my weight watchers stuff was out where he could have seen it....no it wasn't. I am just that fat that now strangers feel they must come to my aid.
So yeah back to the clothes nightmare.....nothing at lane bryant fit unless i like tight and sleeveless. Avenue and Fashion bug, both usually somewhat of a fall back.....no damn luck. Catherines had something....but nothing i could afford or deal with. And when the heck do clothing makers decide they will just attach a necklace to the shirt and save me the troubkle of picking my own? Especially as i hate necklaces!
So now i will be wearing some slightly tight pants, a black cami and a shirt i can not button over my stomach to a job interview. I have a pic of it on my facebook if anyone still reading wants to check it out. I can't figure out how to get it posted here though. if you wanna see here is a link
But the bigger problem is this should be a wake up, aha moment, hello??? call or something and i just don't care. I am dissapointed and upset and hurting but yeah.....woohoo friggin hoo. And the shat of it? If i get the job where the he// am i gonna find clothes to where?
Another note.....a "high" point if you will.....(i am choking on the sarcasm) I am pretty much gonna quiit weightwatchers. I just pay to go. I don't follow it and haven't been. The more I focus on food and counting of things the more i want.
I have found two other things...one i like...one meh.
here is the one I like.
It is a 13 week class offered here in town and I like what the guy is saying. I mean honestly....how do i treat myself better if I don't even like myself?
the one i am mehing is
http://ace-diet-pills.lovemyace.com/
a girl i know first hand has tried it and is at 41 pounds lost and has energy and appetite control. both i could use.
I dunno folks. Someone do me a solid and sort me out ok? I at least hide the oreos.
